A Different Kind Of Mail Order Bride

Due to finding myself unexpectedly a solo full-time dad, pretty much overnight back in 2010, I’d without realising it, slipped into depression and became socially withdrawn. I had absolutely no idea this had actually occurred, as I was just focused on my young sons.

Then a woman became romantically interested in me and entered my life (I’ve spent my entire professional life as a producer after all. Sounds exciting, right? What a catch) but she very quickly concluded after finding no fleet of luxury cars, trees with money growing on it or red carpet premieres, that I had no friends, no life, and was worthless, then walked out 4 years later after finally receiving her visa under the guise of being my partner. I slept on the fucking couch for most of that time. Thanks, partner.

Without a doubt in the world, that period of time was a very worthwhile investment for her, considering she was never home, contributed nothing financially, in the end she gets to live her life out in arguably the world’s most liveable city here in Melbourne, and taking into account her country of origin, Albania, she’d hit the jackpot.

Yet it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever allowed to happen to me or my children. I knew it was wrong from the start, and could have stopped it, but went along with it anyway. Why? Because I’d fallen in love with her. I thought my dreams had come true. But never a truer word said than “if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is” Had I been more sensible, I could have eased the pain that endured over the following 4 year period, by believing in myself and stopping it earlier. She knew how much I loved her but didn’t care. She was just doing all that she knew. Get what you want, no matter whose toes need to be stepped on. I’m more angry at myself for not doing what I knew I should have done, than I am at her. However, you don’t do that to me without paying a price. And for those that know me well, will be aware the price will be paid in full. Starting with at least a retraction of all statutory declarations I made to the Department of Immigration, even if it results in criminal charges. But that’s not the point

After she left, I was completely shaken to the core and with my confidence and self-worth shattered, I thought “shit, she’s right, I don’t have anyone. I’m a loser, my life is worthless, etc etc”

But after making a bit of effort and some soul-searching with cancer thrown in for good measure, I came to realise that, in fact, I’m so absolutely blessed to have the most incredible and amazing friends anyone could wish for, some lifelong, others more recent. They all know who they are.

It was actually she who had no one. Just a history of leaving people behind, both lovers and friends, males and females. Weekends filled with shallow conversations with shallow people. Broken relationships that never went anywhere. No concept of loyalty or deep connection.

I write this post for the sole purpose that I have no doubt whatsoever, that some of you out there (many of you, men) will be feeling or felt like I was. Most probably ignited by somebody close to you, who you adore and love, but whose own interests they consider to be more valuable than yours. And a lot of these kind are so damn brilliant at making themselves appear loving, kind and caring. Some deserve Oscars, they’re that goddamn good at it.

Man or woman. If you’re a good soul, just do a bit of scratching of the surface, and you’ll find that love and friendship hide in the most unexpected places. Ignore the asshole who tells you or makes you feel otherwise.

The Harvey Weinstein headlines have dominated the mass media recently and has now become a topic open for discussion at any dinner table, anywhere on this planet. And as it should be. Yes, the harassment and abuse of women by men. A very serious issue that requires serious address. But this culture of harassment works both ways, they just have different faces. I adore women. I was raised by women and most of my closest and loving friends are women, but I’ve also witnessed too many men, both good friends and strangers, who have been left heartbroken, shredded and ripped apart by women they love. Good men. By women seeking permanent residency in a better place than their own backyard.


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